


Waves

by CrashDevil (cjdevlin19)



Series: The Geometry Series [10]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Depression, F/M, Soulless Sam Winchester, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-19
Updated: 2016-12-30
Packaged: 2018-08-23 10:45:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8324821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cjdevlin19/pseuds/CrashDevil
Summary: Christina comes out of detox and falls into a depression based in loneliness and guilt. She's battling it pretty well until Crowley lets her cats out of the bag.*******"We got hex bags. We're hidden from demons." Crowley put a finger up. "All but one. That night you broke into my house, our first date, my valet hid a tracking device in your car. A magical coin that easily trumps your little bags of bones. It allows me to hear things, too. And, my, the things I've heard." Christina's heart raced as she thought through every conversation, every phone call, every... prayer. She'd prayed. Asked forgiveness to the virgin Goddess for her promiscuity."Like what?""Like, can you guess how many of Armageddon's players have been balls-deep in the witch?" Crowley pointed at Christina."Crowley, shut up." She demanded, fear running through her core.The demon put a finger up for each of them. "Dean, Sam, me... and Lucifer."





	1. Ruined

Christina lay out on her deck in a bikini top and a pair of cut-off jean shorts, trying to battle her depression with some vitamin D, the sun beating down on her as she thought about her time in Bobby's panic room. They'd kept her in there for a week, well past the time she stopped being connected to the energy of the Earth and the power of the Gods. She was sure Dean and Bobby had been behind that decision. She'd left as soon as Sam opened that door and walked home without a word to the other hunters. They seemed to understand and hadn't come to see her or called her in the time since she got out. Castiel hadn't been by and neither had Lucifer. They were busy and she was benched.

Without the distractions of men and magic, she was depressed. Her mind kept going to the look on her mother's face when she realized her Chrissy wasn't normal, the tone of her sister's voice when she called her a slut, the horrible inevitability of her losing everyone she cares about. Dean didn't want her, Sam and Cas were going to hate her if they found out about Lucifer and Bobby... well, Bobby was the forgiving type, but maybe not once he found out that she was in bed with Lucifer.

The familiar sound of a '67 Impala made her close her eyes. Maybe she could hide. Did she want to hide? Was it Dean, or Sam? Did she really want to see either of them? She chose to do nothing, opening her eyes when she heard the sound of boots crunching on her grass. Dean stared down at her, eyes roaming over her exposed skin. She adjusted her sunglasses and cleared her throat, trying to look less melancholy. "You lookin' for somethin' in particular, Winchester?"

"Just making sure all of your scars are uncovered. Glamour magic is still magic, you know."

"Oh. So, after 40 years in Hell and almost 2 back here on Earth, dealing with the Biblical Apocalypse almost daily, you think you remember where every one of my scars are? I've got a lot of them."

"You'd be surprised what I remember." Dean said, stepping closer.

"You're right. I would be." She said, sitting up and scooting backward in the lounger.

Dean nodded. "I deserve that. I, uh, I came by... I'm here because... about two weeks ago, Sammy and I died. These hunters, Roy and Walt, they blasted us and we died." He chuckled at the worried look on her face. "Don't worry, the angels couldn't let us be dead for long. They need us to say 'yes'. But, we got a nice long trip through Heaven."

Christina sat forward, enraptured by the thought of Heaven. "There's levels. Different sections, different happy memories that make up Heaven. It was like taking a stroll through me and Sam's greatest hits. And suddenly, we were at Sioux Falls High, reliving one of my happiest."

"Oh, yeah? Boiler Room?"

"Library. The, uh, the first time we put our arms around each other and everything just clicked."

"That's... that's not how I remember it. I remember-"

"I was a dick. I have been... the whole time I've known you. I've been selfish and arrogant and pushy and... and the only time we were good was when we had Chris there to balance us. He was so full of purity and grace that I could be me and it didn't tip the scales too much. He even made me a better person. I lost that. Went right back to being the guy who manipulated you into drinking that potion, who blew up your relationship with Girl Sam. And now, all I want is to blow up your relationship with _my_ Sam." Dean whispered, his gaze settling on the wooded area beyond the deck. "He doesn't deserve me comin' in and destroying what he's been dreaming of... he hasn't done anything to... I just wish..."

Christina grabbed the T-shirt she had left on the table and stood, pulling it over her head. "I wish a lot, Winchester, but it doesn't do anything to help us. We aren't who we were in high school. We aren't who we were with... Chris. And I'm sure, wherever he is, Chris is different, too. We're mid-Apocalypse, Winchester. This isn't the time."

"When would be? We could die today. Or tomorrow or... if I never apologized..."

"I forgive you. Now go."

Dean grabbed her wrist and stopped her retreat. "No. No, I'm not gonna go. This isn't about you forgiving me, it's about me apologizing. I've done some bad shit to you and I need you to know... I need to _tell_ you that I am sorry for it. I'm sorry for using you and treating you like a sex toy. I'm sorry for never writing you when I promised I would. I'm sorry for ignoring you for 10 years. I'm sorry for making you feel like a bad person when you were trying to what's right. I'm sorry for that night on the way back from North Dakota. I'm sorry for leaving you in Carthage with Satan. And I'm sorry for this."

Dean leaned down and pressed his lips to hers, letting go of her wrist and grabbing the back of her head. She moaned, the familiar taste of Dean Winchester overwhelming her senses. His hands came up under her shirt, pulling the tie at the back of her bikini top. Christina put her hands on his chest and pushed back. "No! God, no, stop." She twisted away from him and jumped off of the deck. "That's not a goddamned apology, Winchester! Now, get back in the car and go. I won't tell Sam about this, okay, but you need to go."

"CJ, come on. You sayin' you don't feel it? That you don't miss me? That you have no desire to blow out some electronics with me?"

She scoffed and started to stomp toward the trailer. "I'm off the juice, Dean. Not blowing electronics with anyone right now and if I was, it wouldn't be with you."

Dean grabbed her hand and stopped her. When she turned to him, ready to slap him, his earnest features stopped her. "I didn't mean that. I'm... I just... I just wanted to see if you still cared. How much you care about Sam. I really did come to apologize, not make it worse."

"What are you gonna do?" She whispered, stepping toward him instead of pulling away.

"I... I'm gonna say 'yes'. God's not gonna help us. Lucifer is amassing power and if we don't want _everything_ to end, Michael needs a vessel. You care about Sammy and Bobby, I need you to take care of 'em once I've gone. Keep Sam from saying 'yes' as long as you can, okay?"

"Dean, you can't."

"No choice. Just... do me a favor and keep an eye on Cas for me, too. He isn't taking the thing with God too well and I don't know what he'll do once I've said 'yes'."

"Dean-" She wrapped her arms around him and sighed. "I love you."

"I know. Look, I gotta go. They're lookin' for me. Gotta find an angel and get this going."

Christina nodded as he pulled away and walked around to the other side of the RV.

************

Christina was ecstatic when she got a call from Sam a week later. 'Dean didn't say yes but we think our half brother, Adam, did. Nothing to be done, chasing down our third Horseman. Wanna come with for a Pestilence chase?' She was less ecstatic about the H1N1 in the clinics that definitely weren't Croatoan, but still reminded her of 2014. And she was even less ecstatic when Crowley showed up in the backseat with her. Dean slammed on the brakes and Sam tried to skewer the demon with Ruby's knife, but he was gone before Sam even turned around.

"Did you get him?" Dean asked, turning around.

"He's gone."

"Fancy a fag and a chat?" Crowley was suddenly beside the Impala. The hunters moved to exit the car. "You're upset. We should discuss it. Not here, but-"

"You wanna talk? After what you did to us?"

"After what I- what I did to you? I gave you the Colt!"

"Yeah, and you knew it wouldn't worry against the Devil!" Sam shouted.

"I never." Crowley defended.

"You set us up. We lost people on that suicide run- Good people!" Christina put a hand on Sam's arm to calm him.

"Who you take on the ride is your own business! Look, everything is still the same. W-we're all still in this together."

"Sure, we are." Sam lunged forward to stab Crowley, but he teleported away.

"Call your dog off. Please."

"Give me one good reason." Dean answered.

"I can give you Pestilence."

"What do you know about Pestilence?" Dean stepped forward.

"I know how to get him. That's got your interest, doesn't it?"

"Are you actually listening to this?" Sam yelled.

"Sam-" Christina started.

"Are you friggin' nuts?!"

"Shut up for a second, Sam!"

"Shut up, the both of you! Look, I swear, I thought the Colt would work. It's an honest mistake. It's all part of the learning process. But nothing's changed, I still want the Devil dead. Well... One thing's changed. Now the devil knows that I want him dead. Which, by the way, makes me the most buggered son in all of creation."

"Holy crap. We don't care." Dean barked.

"They burnt down my house! They ate my tailor! Two months under a rock, like a bloody salamander! Every demon on Hell and Earth's got his eyes out for me! And yet... Here I am... Last place I should be- in the road, talking to Sam and Dean Winchester, under a friggin' spotlight!" Crowley pointed at the street light and it exploded. He took a deep breath, then continued. "So, come with me. Please. Do you want the Horsemen rings, or not? Yes, I know all about that. Shall we?"

The hunters looked between themselves, then nodded. "Good. The witch stays."

"Like hell she does." Dean protested.

"I understand you wanna bring along your favorite toy, Dean, but of the three of you, she's the one most likely to get me killed. She isn't invited."

Dean and Sam shook their heads. "We'll find Pestilence without you, then."

"Fine. Come on." Crowley walked off toward an old broken-down house. "Here we are, my life on the lam. How the mighty have fallen. Single-pane glass, used contraception in the fireplace." Crowley waved his hand and a fire roared to life in said fireplace. "The water damage alone-"

"My heart's bleeding for you. Now, how do you know about the rings?" Dean interrupted.

"Well, now... I've been keeping a close eye on you lot."

"We got hex bags. We're hidden from demons."

Crowley put a finger up. "All but one. That night you broke into my house, our first date, my valet hid a tracking device in your car. A magical coin that easily trumps your little bags of bones. It allows me to hear things, too. And, my, the things I've heard."

Christina's heart raced as she thought through every conversation, every phone call, every... prayer. She'd prayed. Asked forgiveness to the virgin Goddess for her promiscuity.

"Like what?" Dean asked, noticing the pointed glance Crowley gave Christina.

"Like, can you guess how many of Armageddon's players have been balls-deep in the witch?" Crowley pointed at her.

"Crowley, shut up." She demanded, fear running through her core.

The demon put a finger up for each of them. "Dean, Sam, me... and Lucifer."

The witch ran from the rundown house, tears streaming down her cheeks. Sam was on her heels, easily. "Christina, say something! Defend yourself. Please!"

"I can't defend what's true, Sam." She stopped and turned to him, regret pulling at her eyes and mouth. "I have had sex with Lucifer." She wiped at her eyes. "I stayed. He asked me to stay and I did. It was just so quiet in 2014 with everyone gone. I could feel the Earth in ways I never... I could meditate and feel the pulse of the planet. You have to understand, I didn't _think_ it would make any difference. It wasn't really real so why would it matter that I spend a couple days getting in touch with a planet that I haven't been able to hear since the cell phone towers went up? But then, Lucifer started joining me for meditation and-and at first it was distracting, but then it got hard to ignore his divinity. Beautiful grace. He started teaching me... spells that were lost in the Burning Times. Techniques that hadn't been used in centuries. He taught me about magic, cultivated my power and I... I let him have me." She blinked to try clearing her vision, but immediately regretted it as Sam's disgusted face greeted her.

"I was riding this high of purity and ancient magicks and he kissed me and I didn't stop him... I let him have me and he gave me the greatest gift anyone could. The only reason I even came back was because I miscarried. That's why I couldn't look at you when I got back, because all I could see was the father of my dead baby." A handkerchief appeared in her hand and she blew her nose before continuing. "I don't know if it was all that time with Lucifer or the dark magic he taught me or the _anguish_ of losing the baby, but when I came back... That little dark spot on my soul that's been there since Crowley brought me back had become a deep, dark depression that had spread throughout me. I did some bad... Bad things to bad people, but... Lucifer, he could _feel_ me coming in Carthage. He grabbed me, he messed with my head, tried to make me doubt you guys and he called me your cannon fodder. I told him 'no', I wouldn't go against you, but then you left me there. I was shaken and he came to me again."

"Have you been helping him?" Sam accused, roughly grabbing her right wrist.

"No! No, I'd never... But... I have had sex with him." She whispered, not making any attempt to pull away. She deserved the pain in her wrist and more.

"What?" His grip tightened.

"When Famine got me... I called to him. I knew Famine wouldn't touch him. I knew that he would take care of me." She whined.

"Have you fucked him since we've been-" The disgust on Sam's face faded into rage as she avoided looking at him and nodded slightly. "When?"

"Thailand. He took me there. It wasn't a magical fuck-up, it was him. He didn't want me warning Bobby about Lanie and Karen, so he took me there and he was gonna leave me, Sam. He-he said I wasn't acting grateful to him, so I had to show him that I was so he'd tea-teach m-me how to te-teleport home."

Sam shook his head. "How could you do this, Christina?" She opened her mouth but no words formed. "How can I trust you? You've been running around behind my back with Lucifer since before our first date! How could I know that you didn't sleep with me just to have something to hold over me? How do I know this wasn't a ploy to get me to say 'yes'?"

"Sam, no! I wouldn't... I don't want you to-"

He dropped her hand and stepped back. "I can't trust you! I  _never_ want to see you again, you whore." He shouted, causing Christina to flinch. "Stay away from us. All of us. Never again."

Christina's jaw trembled as she gave a single nod, then broke into a run away from Sam.

****************

"Well, this doesn't look happy. What'd I miss?" Lucifer slid into the booth in front of her, his eyes falling on the 1.75 litre bottle of Jack Daniels that lie empty on the table.

"It's over. Crowley... he told Sam and Dean. They never want to see me again... ever. I was halfway home when I got the voicemail from... Bobby saying the same. Can't trust me, any of them. My parents won't talk to me. I have nothing left."

Lucifer smiled. "So, when are you gonna witch it up?"

She shook her head and took a drink of her whiskey. "I'm not."

"You're not? You have nothing and nothing holding you back. Why wouldn't you-" He cut himself off when she picked her .32 from her lap and placed it on the table next to her glass. "And what's that for?"

"You've ruined me. Michael has a vessel, a Winchester, and you are falling apart. You're going to lose. I have nothing and you're going to lose. I let you... exploit the darkness in my soul and you ruined my life. I'm not going to sit around and wait for Castiel to come for me. I'll smite myself."

"You're not going to kill yourself, Christina. You aren't that pathetic."

"I'm going to Hell, Lucifer. There's nowhere to go but down. Why wait?" She chuckled and took another drink.

"Sam is going to say 'yes'. You just have to-"

"I'll see you in Hell, Lucifer." She slammed the tumbler to the table and picked up the revolver, cocking and putting it in her mouth as quickly as possible.

It didn't hurt as much as she thought it would, but maybe she was just too numb from the liquor by that point. As her vision tunneled to darkness, she saw Lucifer standing over her. "What a waste." He said, before disappearing.

**************

Beeping greeted her first. She hadn't opened her eyes yet, but she could hear the steady beep of a machine beside her, likely a cardiac monitor. She could feel a tube in her throat, and she wanted to swallow, but couldn't make herself do it. She tried to open her eyes, next, and they fluttered a bit, allowing her to catch particles of light.

"Tina?" Bobby's voice cut through the haze. With the tube in her throat, she was only able to moan in response. "Hey, take it easy. You got a tube in yer throat an' a whole helluva bunch sedatives in ya. Let me grab a nurse."

The nurse grabbed a doctor and they pulled the breathing tube out of her. "Do you know your name?" The doctor asked. She tried to speak but her voice wouldn't come so she just nodded her heavy head. "Do you know why you're here, Christina?" She closed her eyes as she tried to remember what would have put her in the hospital. She must've taken too long to answer because the doctor provided the answer. "You shot yourself, Christina. It's a miracle that you survived. You've been in a comatose state for 16 months. Do you understand? You've been under for over a year."

Christina nodded. She couldn't call forth the reason why she'd shot herself, which was frustrating, but she understood that over a year in a coma was likely to fuck with her head. "We are going to have to check your swallow reflex before we can take the G-tube out of your stomach. We'll need to check your cognitive function and you will have to go through a significant amount of physical therapy, but the scans we've been taking show no lasting damage from the gunshot. You should be able to leave in a month or two. I know you're a bit confused, but... do you have any questions?"

"My-my parents?" She asked, her voice raspy and her cadence lethargic.

The doctor looked at Bobby. "It may be better from you, Mr. Singer. I'll leave you to it." The doctor left and Bobby sat on the edge of the bed.

Bobby took her hand in his. "You were out for a while, Tina. Yer Mom and Dad were... They weren't exactly happy with ya in the first place, 'cause o' what you pulled with Lanie so... They wanted to pull the plug. They gave you a week and then they wanted to pull the plug. Said you obviously wanted to die since you ate a bullet, but... I knew you'd pull through. Yer too strong to go out that way. So, I fought 'em on it, dummied up some Medical Power of Attorney papers and they left. Never came back."

Christina nodded. "Why did I-"

"What's the last thing you remember, girl?"

"I've got pieces... I... Lucifer? Or, maybe, Crowley?" She tried to lift her hand to rub her forehead but it refused to move. "I hurt my wrist, I think? Did I?"

"Crowley told Dean and Sam about yer... _thing_ with Lucifer. Sam hurt yer wrist. He got angry." Bobby looked down. " _I_ got angry. I wish I hadn't, but I called you and I told you I couldn't trust you. Next day, Sam and I went to apologize and... found you in a puddle of blood in yer Airstream. I was so scared you wouldn't make it."

Christina closed her eyes. "Who won the... Did we win?" She whispered.

"A lot's happened since you been out, Tina. They sent Lucifer back, trapped Michael with him in the Cage. Apocalypse never went through. Dean lived with Lisa and her son for a year but he came back... He's hunting with Sam again. Crowley took over in Hell after Lucifer went down. And I'm walkin' again."

Christina moaned lightly as her exhaustion rolled over her. "I'll let you rest, tell the boys yer awake. Dean came to visit as soon as he left the apple pie life, he'll be happy you're okay."

"Thanks, Bobby." The words had barely made it out of her mouth before she passed out.

*************

When she woke again, she was alone. She looked down at her hand and concentrated. "Epanaféro." A warm yellow light emanated from her palm and started to flow down her arm and across her body. She sat up, her muscle atrophy healing. She ran her hand over her body, pulling the IV out and disconnecting the cardiac output and oximeter. As she pulled the blanket back, her eyes fell on the feeding tube. It was taped down to her stomach, and part of her just wanted to pull it out, but she assumed it was a similar setup to the catheter, a balloon would be inflated inside her. She looked up as her doctor walked past her room. "Stop! Come here and close the door." The doctor followed her orders. "You wanna take out my catheter and G-tube."

"How are you sitting up? Your muscles shouldn't be able to support you. Go ahead and lie down, I'm gonna take your cath out."

"I'm feeling fine. I'm a medical miracle." She said, lying back and allowing the doctor to fiddle around under her hospital gown.

"You are a medical miracle. I would love to study you."

"You want to let me leave." She responded as he pulled back with a tube in his hand.

"Yes. Of course." He placed the tube on a tray and walked away, grabbing a thick white towel. He placed the towel around the port for her G-tube. He pulled the tape up from her skin and started to steadily pull the tube from her stomach. "I'll need to put staples-"

"It's fine. Just let me leave."

"I'd love to, Miss Harris." The doctor finished pulling the tube and balloon out of her stomach and pushed the towel over the hole in her abdomen. "But you attempted suicide, and protocol says I have to send you up for a psych eval. I was going to wait until you were awake for-"

"It was a drug interaction, completely understandable. No reason for a psych hold."

"No reason, at all."

"You want to bring me something to wear."

"You have a good life, ma'am. I'll have the nurse bring in your discharge papers and a set of scrubs." The doctor stood and walked out.

Christina dressed in blue scrubs and left the hospital, stopping a taxi on the way out and convincing him that he wanted to take her home, no charge. She got out at the gate and walked the red-clay road home. The sight of the Airstream made her smile and she rushed toward the RV. She pulled a key from its hidden place in the wheel well and unlocked her home.

It was clean. Not just the blood from her table and floor, but the whiskey bottles, the dishes she'd left in the sink, even her gun cabinet. When she walked into the bedroom, she noticed the altar had been organized and optimized from the chaos she'd left behind and her laundry had all been hung. She shed her borrowed scrubs and put on a blue tank and dark blue jeans.

A sound of wings caught her attention and she had to resist the urge to hide in her wardrobe. "You're awake." Castiel's gravel voice hit her ears.

"I'm leaving." She said, simply. She closed the wardrobe and flicked the lock, before heading to her altar and waving her hand over it. The altar flashed blue, then went back to normal.

"Are you planning to start hunting again, because I have a-"

"No. I'm not helping you, Cas. Sam hates me, my parents hate me. Dean probably does too. And you, you're battleworn and you smell of sulphur so I don't have to guess where you've been. I'm leaving. I might not have able to leave this mortal coil, but I sure as Hell can leave South Dakota." She turned to him. "I'm going to hook this RV up to my Dodge and I'm going to disappear. Which would have been the better choice last year, but I wasn't exactly thinking well, hence the new scar on the back of my skull. Whatever you need, Castiel, go somewhere else."

Castiel looked at her with confusion. "There is civil unrest in Heaven. I _need_ help."

"You need help from a whore? I'm sure you're not that desperate, Cas. Find another hunter."

"I know 4 hunters, Christina. I don't want to involve Dean and Sam in this, which means I can't ask Bobby Singer. I need someone to-"

Christina shook her head. "No. I will not do it. I'm moving on, and that's going to be away from all of this."

"You think you can just leave and you will not have to deal with your betrayal and cowardice?"

"I didn't betray you. I never helped Lucifer, I just fucked him, so the only one I betrayed was Sam. You were done with me. Dean was done with me. Sam is the one I betrayed and you are damn right that I don't wanna deal with what I did to him."

"Done with you? I loved you."

"You hadn't even spoken to me since Famine hit us. You, very specifically, pushed me off because I wasn't a fucking cheeseburger and then you didn't talk to me again. I went through a week of detox in Bobby's panic room and you didn't even show to lend support. You were done with me. You didn't need to rebel anymore because God didn't fucking care, so you stopped. You just stopped. Just like Dean. So, no, I don't think you did love me, anymore. I don't think anyone loved me. But Sam, at least he still wanted this broken-down witch, and I betrayed  _him._  That's why I ate a .32 and that's why I'm leaving now. I am a coward and I am fine with that. Move on, Cas. I am." She pushed past the angel and grabbed her Charger keys from a bowl next to her microwave. Castiel disappeared before she'd exited the RV.

******************

4 suicides in 2 weeks had Christina pulling that RV into an RV park in Calumet City, Illinois just a few days later. She should have known that the Winchesters would be attracted by the case, too. She should have gone to South America like she'd planned, but she had been drawn by the suicide angle. She had intimate knowledge of suicide now. When she sat at the bar of Wenzel's Pub, she ordered two double shots of whiskey. She downed one and was reaching for the second when it was snatched up by Dean. He drained it and sat on the stool next to her. "Bobby's going crazy looking for you. Said you checked out of the hospital and disappeared. Why'd you Houdini?"

"Because the thought of interacting with you and Sam since you know what I did put me in a panic attack that I couldn't get out of until I put some distance between me and home." She was surprised at the blatant honesty that flowed from her mouth.

"Yeah, about that- Sam said you stayed with Lucifer in 2014. Why?"

"Because I didn't think I'd ever have to explain myself. Why did I say that?"

"Oh, there's a truth curse going around, seems I've picked it up."

Christina raised an eyebrow and threw a ten on the bar. "I'm leaving because I'm afraid that I'll end up telling you that I fucked Castiel, too." She slapped her hand over her mouth and jumped down from the stool, rushing for the door.

Dean followed. "You fucked Cas? When?" He sounded less angry and more amused, but it didn't stop her moving. There was so much more that spell could make her admit and she wasn't going to allow that.

"Several times." She mumbled under her hand.

"When did you have time for- no wait, better question. Who's better in bed?" Dean grabbed her elbow and yanked her hand away.

"Sam curled my toes in a way you never could but in a competition between you and Cas, your experience wins over his raw enthusiasm."

Dean shook his head. "I didn't ask about Sam."

"You really shouldn't if you wanna keep your confidence, 'cause your little brother is bigger in more than just height. Oh, my gods! Isychía." She pointed at her throat and immediately felt better once her voice was gone.

"Cheater." Dean smirked, then put an arm around her shoulder. "I'm glad to see you up and about. We were starting to get scared that you'd never wake up. So, you here for the suicides?"

* _Of course. Why else would I come to Calumet City, except to try to explain to myself why I put a gun in my mouth?*_  She mouthed.

"Case like this hits home, huh? Yeah, you know you suicided like a man, right? Took Bobby hours to clean that shit off your Airstream. Chicks are supposed to go cleaner than that. You know, pills or poison... gas oven."

* _I suicided like a hunter. Sorry I wasn't prim and proper like Sylvia Plath, but I was just thinking about it being over, not who'd have to clean it up. I was thinking about myself, about escaping the aftermath of my poor decisions and I never once thought about who would find me. I figured it'd be months before anybody thought to check the Airstream and that was if the world didn't end, which I was fairly certain it would.*_  

"Yeah, my lip-reading skills are not up to all that." Dean made circular motions at her mouth. "You wanna come back inside? I'd love to tell you about the last year and a half."

_*I'd rather be a thousand miles away but you and I both know that I can't tell you 'no'.*_

"No, you can't. Come on. First round's on me."

*******************

"And Sam, don't get me started on  _him._  It's like he's not even Sam. Like, I get it, he went to Hell. I went to Hell,  _you_ went to Hell, neither of us came out with anything worse than PTSD. Sam's like... He's like a cyborg. He stood there and watched while I got turned into a vamp, or that's how it looked, anyway... He-he's rough with the people we question, he gives me the creeps just bein' around him. I don't know what to do."

* _Salt, silver, holy water?*_

"He passed, all of it, but I'm telling you it feels like there's something wrong with him."

* _It's amazing that you can tell something's wrong with Sam but you still haven't figured out that Castiel is Chris Lyon. You guys are so close that I wonder if you've_ _started fucking the angel yet._ * She sighed in relief to see that Dean had turned to flag the bartender down for another round of beers.

"You know, when I was living with Lisa and Ben, I was... I was bored. You know, the whole '9 to 5', PTA, making real money... I'da given anything to hunt with my brother again, but now? I'm not so sure."

* _I'm terrified of seeing your brother, especially if he's a darker man than the one who almost broke my wrist last year. I mean, I totally deserved a broken wrist and probably wouldn't raise a finger to stop him if he wanted to gut me. I think I may still be suicidal, actually and maybe that's why I came here, because I could just be another casualty of the curse._ *

"Hey. I only caught some of that, but you need to calm down with that shit. Sam, he was devastated when he and Bobby found you. They both blamed themselves. I blamed the Devil." Dean took a drink of his beer and leaned forward. "You stayed and that was on you but you came back and when you did, Lucifer used that against you. I mean, between us leaving you behind and me ignoring you... I could see how he wormed his way in. Dude _was_ a snake."

* _It's disarming when you act like you give a damn about me. Makes me forget that you've got a chick in Indiana. I wish things could be the way they were in high school._ *

"No. I don't. Not anymore. Not since Sam came back. And of course I give a damn." Dean finished his beer and checked his phone. "So, Sammy's been looking into the curse, I've been looking for anything to keep me away from him, you should come back with me to the hotel. He's gotta have something by now, but if he doesn't, maybe you can help us with cat skull stuff."

* _I'd rather pluck my own eyes out and feed them to Crowley's hellhounds.*_

"All right, but I am going to let him know you're here."

* _Because I'm not already stressed enough? Fine. Have fun._ *

"Hey, you got a phone?"

She shook her head as she stood. * _Didn't want anybody tracking me. Not really sorry about that, now that I ran into you._ *

"All right, well... Be safe and don't leave town without a 'Goodbye'."

* _I'm probably going to leave in the morning to avoid any contact with Sam.*_  
_"_ Come on, don't do that. Once we figure this thing out, I wanna have a conversation with you. One where I don't have to read your lips." Dean stood and wrapped her in a tight hug.


	2. Keep it Clean

Christina was lying in bed when a knock came to her Airstream door. She sighed deeply and sat up. "Winchester, go away if you haven't gotten rid of that curse. I do not want to have to go mute again." She said, stomping to the door. She swallowed as her eyes fell on Sam.

"Wrong Winchester." Sam smiled slightly and tilted his head at her. "You got a minute? It's, uh, it's _about_ the curse."

She stepped down the stairs and pushed the door closed behind her. She couldn't look at his face, so she focused on his boots, her hands digging into her back pockets. "What's up?"

"The spell summoned the Goddess, Veritas. Do you know anything about her?"

"Aletheia. Daughter of Zeus. She's a bitch, a drama queen and an attention whore. She eats people."

"So, she  _does_ eat her tributes?"

"Yeah, or she did in ancient Greece and Rome. Probably still does. Dogs hate her. It's said she can be killed, or at least weakened, by a knife dipped in dog's blood."

"You don't happen to have any handy, do you?" Christina shook her head. "You _can_ look at me, Christina."

She chuckled, softly. "I can't. If I look at you, I'm either going to see forgiveness and pity or anger and disgust. After what I did, I can't imagine I deserve forgiveness and I didn't shoot myself for the pity. I deserve the anger. I deserve the disgust, but I can't... can't bring myself to look it in the eye."

"Hey, I'm _not_ mad at you, Christina. I'm not mad and I don't pity you. You shot yourself because you thought you'd lost everything. I mean, I can understand. I purposely almost got myself killed on a hunt after Dean died. Come on. Look at me." She took a deep breath and lifted her head. He was looking down at her with those puppy dog eyes, no anger or pity in them. "See? You okay?"

She nodded. "Sam... I'm so sorry." She whispered.

"I know. I mean, nothing says 'I know I fucked up' like sucking on a gun barrel." She blanched a bit at his bluntness and the coldness that suddenly took over his eyes. "You could've just apologized like a normal person, maybe sucked on something else, instead." 

She cleared her throat and pulled her hands from her pockets. "I was pretty sure you didn't... want to ever see me again. Definitely didn't want me apologizing like  _that_."

"Well, how better for the Devil's whore to apologize? It's what you're good at." 

She took a step back, her hand reaching for the door handle. "No, not anymore. You, uh, you better go find some dog blood if you don't want Dean to be the next one on Veritas' menu."

Sam pulled a cell phone from his back pocket and pushed it into her hand. "So we can get ahold of you. I think you kinda owe us."

She pocketed it and turned, rushing into her RV. Dean said Sam gave him the creeps and she felt what he meant. That was cruel, but there was _nothing_ in Sam's eyes. She stared down at the cell phone, contemplating throwing it out. Instead, she turned the GPS off and sat down at the table.

She always sat on the opposite side of the booth, now, always staring at the faint blood stain Bobby hadn't been able to wash out. It served as reminder that she really could survive anything, even her own stupidity. She was a bit fascinated by that stain, imagining how it correlated with the scar at the base of her skull. She wondered how she managed to walk away from a gunshot that should have crippled her, if not killed her, with nothing more than a scar and a pink stain on her upholstery. 

****************

Christina was halfway through her midnight drink of Scotch when a fist banged into her door three times, in rapid succession. She leaned her head back against the booth cushion and hoped they'd go away. "Christina!" Dean called out. She sighed and slid out of the booth, pushing the door open and looking out at him. He looked distraught. "My brother doesn't have a soul."

"What?" She grabbed his hand and pulled him into the rv.

"He lied to me. I was under Veritas' curse and he lied. Hell, he lied _to_  Veritas. He shouldn't have been able to, but he did, so I had Cas give him a once-over and he doesn't have a soul. However he made it back... it's wrong. He's wrong."

She slid back into the booth and picked up her tumbler. "I knew something was wrong with him. He came by earlier, to get info on Aletheia, and he was... 'cruel' isn't quite the right word, but... harsh. He creeped me out." Dean looked around the RV, before sliding into the booth, leaning against the faint stain without noticing it.

"It's cleaner than I expected." He said, gesturing to the RV.

She raised an eyebrow. "You expected a mess?"

"Well, I was basing it off your bedroom at your parents' place and that shed. Neither were very clean... Well, not dirty, but... disorganized."

She took a drink and chuckled. "This was Bobby. I get the feeling that he spent a lot of time here while I was out. There wasn't a speck of dust in this place. This." She held up the tumbler. "This cup is the one I was drinking out of right before I pulled the trigger. You know how I can tell? He used industrial strength steel wool on it, Winchester. He scored the glass from the intensity. Guess he wanted to clean away all the trace of what I did and what caused me to... do it. I've been trying to keep it the way he set it up."

"You love Bobby. Just like me and Sammy, he's more your Dad than your real one. You should call him, CJ."

She sighed. "It's hard, Dean. I mean, I  _ruined_ my life. I tried to end it. I... I don't mind never seeing Mom and Dad again... I mean, I _do_ , but... Bobby had this look when I woke up, Dean. This look of pity and relief and guilt and _I_ put that look in his eyes. I can't deal with being the one who made him feel like that."

"Bobby doesn't pity you. Hell, we've all thought about ending it, Siege. You just, you know, actually did. He missed you. We... We all did. I mean... we were all angry that you'd slept with the Devil, but I think it was, for me at least, less that you couldn't be trusted and more... 'Why would you have needed him if we weren't such terrible company in the first place'? I mean, the first time you were with him was in Zachariah's future, right? And between 2014 me being a dick and me-me treating you like a sex toy again, I could under-"

"That's not..." She interrupted, putting the glass down and clearing her throat. "I stayed because it was quiet. There was no electricity. There was no hum of wireless connection flowing. There was just the Earth. When was I ever going to have that opportunity again? Never. I mean, there's Wi-Fi on Mount Everest. So, I stayed to meditate, that's all. Lucifer, he started sitting in on my meditations and... he was nice to me. It sounds absurd, I know, but it's true. He... He brought me food and had his demons wait on me and he said the most beautiful things about me..." She shook her head, then focused on her fingernails. Someone had kept them squared off and long while she was out.

"He offered to teach me some old magic. I jumped at it. I mean, these were spells like... Spontaneous combustion and boiling. You know, things that normal witches have to do hex bags for, I can do with a word. He told me that I didn't even need the words, you know, and that blew my mind so much that I didn't even believe it." She sighed. "A few days turned into a few weeks as he got me hooked on more and more dangerous magicks. Bigger, harder spells. All the while, I'm getting higher and higher. The first time he kissed me, I'd just finished burning 5 Crotes from the inside out with a single word. I was so high that it didn't feel _wrong_ when he did it."

She couldn't meet Dean's eyes, but she could feel them on her. "I realize now that he was _keeping_ me high, but I couldn't see it, then. I let him do whatever he wanted with me as long as he kept teaching me. You know, those first few weeks, I told myself every day that I was going to leave the next morning but he always had something new for me to learn and once I'd given myself to him..." Her voice cracked, prompting Dean to reach across the table and grab her hand. "He started to use his grace to heal me. He said he was healing my scars and it took me a few weeks to realize that he wasn't healing my skin, but the scars inside me. The scars from when Lilith tore me open and played with my insides... when she destroyed my uterus. He healed me enough that he was able to get me pregnant and after that, he didn't need to keep me high, anymore. I wasn't going anywhere after that." Dean's grip on her hand tightened and she looked up at him. His eyes were wide, but there was no pity in them, just warmth. "I was afraid the baby wouldn't exist if I came back... and it stopped existing, anyway. I guess he should have kept healing me. I was 12 weeks along, almost past the... magic number. When I lost it... I cried for hours, and he just said 'we can try again'. I didn't want to try again. So, I left." Tears were rolling down her cheeks, soaking into the hair that had settled on her shoulders. "It was like no time had passed here. I mean, you were _just_ driving to get up with Sam, so I put on a brave face and pretended like nothing had happened."

"Siege..." Dean whispered. "I didn't know. I'm sorry. I thought you were on the pill, or something."

"It's fine. It's not something I advertise. Why would I?" 

"That's not what I mean. I'm sorry... 'cause you would've been a great mom." An ugly sob wracked her body and she pulled her hand away so that she could bury her face in her palms. Dean slid, easily, from one side of the booth to the other and wrapped his arm around her, tightly. He pressed his lips to the top of her head. "I remember how gung-ho Chris was about kids. Probably 'cause he was the youngest son of a huge family, right?"

Christina nodded her head, pulling her head away from her hands and wiping her fingertips across her eyelids. "I'm sorry. I didn't want to cry on you."

"I don't mind. Look at me." Dean ordered, softly. Her green marbles reluctantly met his. "I spent the last year playing house with Lisa. I was Ben's Dad and Lisa's husband and I loved them... but they never fully knew me. I mean, they knew about hunting and Mom and Dad and Sammy, but... I had to lie to them every day. I had to act like I didn't miss you, didn't miss Bobby and Sam with everything I had. I wanted to be happy with them but it was never right. And I spent nights, more nights than I should have, thinking about you and how I chased you away. I should have held you tight and never pushed you off on, on Cas and Lucifer and Sam. I should've never lost focus on you."

He pulled back from her and looked down. "I lied. I _do_ blame myself for you trying to kill yourself. I blame myself for Lucifer getting his claws in you. If I had just written you a letter every once in a while, we never would've ended up the way we did. Maybe we could have been happy together, even without Chris."

"You aren't the reason Lucifer got to me. Dean, don't think that. It was my own, personal weakness that left me open to that. Even if you'd written me letters, I still would've been a hunter. I still would've gotten killed by Lilith and my parents still would hate me. I still would have put the barrel of my .32 in my mouth. You had nothing-" Christina cut off her words as the door to her RV was wrenched open and Sam stepped onto the stairs.

He bent his head as he walked up to the table. "Glad I'm not interrupting anything. Dean, we need to go. Leave her. Samuel's pretty traditional, he wouldn't understand the whole hunter-witch thing." 

Dean sighed. "We gotta find out how Sam came back, so that we can find his soul, maybe. Our grandpa came back at the same time, so we're gonna go talk to him, see if he has his soul." He slid out of the seat and stood next to Sam, looking down at her. "We're not done with this conversation, Siege. I'll be back."

"I won't be here." She whispered.

"Running. Who's surprised?" Sam said as he turned and walked out of the Airstream.

"Ignore 'im. He can't give a shit about how you feel, right now. We'll fix it. I promise. Hey. Look... Christina Jean Harris... I promise to do right by you this time. I can do caring. I can do loving. I can be a good man without Chris' assistance. Don't run from me." He kissed the top of her head and walked toward the door. "And call Bobby." He yelled out as he shut the door behind him.


	3. Stay Safe

As Christina pulled her RV into its spot on her half acre, she growled and grabbed her shotgun. Someone was sitting on her deck. "Oh, there's her house. Thought, maybe, you went extreme on the rustic witch thing."

She cocked her gun and aimed it at Crowley. "Get off my property, you demonic piece of shit."

Crowley stood and looked down at her, obviously not threatened at all by the shotgun. "Little bird told me that you have a Castiel shaped notch on your headboard. I'm curious about that."

"Go back to Hell."

"I have to ask what that's like. You've had human men and women, a demon and two angels: one evil and one imbecilic. What's the comparison there?"

Christina sighed and dropped the gun to her side, stepping up onto the deck. "What Castiel and I  _had_ was love... so we  _made love._  What happened with you, that was torture with a sexual component. Because you are a demon and that sets you up as a natural sexual sadist."

Crowley's eyes sparkled as he turned flush with her. "Oh, come on, Darling. You liked it, eventually. I remember, clearly, the sound you made when I finally let you cum on day three. I had it as my ringtone for months. Might still be on here." He said, pulling out his cell phone.

"You're a pig." She accused.

"And you're the mud I rolled around in." He countered. He put his phone back into his suit jacket and looked down at the witch. "Hunting again, luv?"

"Why do you care?"

"Have you spoken to the Hardy Boys lately?"

"Yeah. Apparently, you've got Sam's soul."

"He  _is_ the one who was giving it to you when you pulled a Cobain, right?"

She stomped toward her RV. "If that's a question of whether or not I care, it's insulting. I wouldn't have-"

"Then, you won't say 'no' to a job, then."

"I don't work for you." She stepped into the RV and sighed as her eyes fell on him, sitting at her table. 

"Dean said the same. He is, however, working for me. For Sam's sake."

"Prove it." She challenged. "Prove that you have Sam's soul and then I will consider hunting for you."

"I don't need to prove a thing, but if you want to head back downstairs to see for yourself, I'd be more than happy to accommodate."

"You're an asshole." She sighed. "What do you want from me?"

"A little witchly help, is all." Crowley stood and stepped right in front of her. "I have several Alpha monsters to keep under lock and key. I have several demons and angels and hunters that I need to keep out of my facility. My witches are shit, to say the least. You help me secure my building, I don't bother you, again."

"You can't think I actually believe you, Crowley."

"Well, I've always said you're smart. Still, you'll do this for me, because you don't want to go back to Hell, right?"

"And now, you're threatening me? You must really need to get that building secured. Give me an address, I'll grab my supplies and head that way." She pushed past him and grabbed a bottle of scotch from her cabinet.

"Two days." Crowley dropped a piece of paper on her counter, then disappeared. 

She rolled her eyes and poured two fingers into a glass. She downed it in one gulp, then stomped back outside, disconnecting her car from her RV and driving off toward Singer Salvage. She took a deep breath and knocked on the door. "Tina..." Bobby looked relieved as he wrapped his arms around the witch. 

"I'm sorry, Bobby. I shouldn't have left." 

"Hey, don't worry about it. It ain't a big deal." He said, softly, as he pushed her gently into the house.

"No, it is a big deal, Bobby. It's a huge deal. You stood by me while I was in that coma and.... I just ran. I just cut and ran and... that's such a cowardly thing. I'm so sorry."

"I understand why you left, Tina. You needed space."

Christina sat on the couch and looked up at the old hunter. "No. I didn't. I was so... mortified, Bobby. Knowing that you know... everything I did." Her tongue darted out to wet her lips. "I've never felt more ashamed than when I woke up and remembered why I tried to kill myself. I... my sister called me a slut and I couldn't really deny it. It's like... I'm so damaged that the only time I feel worth a damn is when I'm making someone want me. I just wanted to run from... me." 

Bobby got down on one knee in front of her and established eye contact with her. "Do you remember the first hunt I took you on?" Christina nodded. Of course, she did. There was no forgetting the haunting Marshall, Iowa. They'd been a great team, running down the body, getting rid of the ghost, and saving a young boy easily. "Why'd I take you?"

She shook her head. "I don't know. You weren't talkin' to Rufus and you needed an extra set of eyes?"

"John was in Minnesota. If I needed help, I coulda called him. I took you, girl, because you _needed_ to go. You came back from that witch hunt in college and you were broke. You didn't know up from down, you thought you got Samantha killed, you were sure you were wicked. I took you with me because I knew that you weren't wicked or evil. I saw that you were made fer bigger things. I just wish, Lilith and Lucifer, they never saw it." Christina blinked away tears. "A lot has happened to you, Tina, a lot of bad. I tried... when you got back from Hell, I tried to bring you back around, but you delved into the magic. Everything became about the magic. I know that's how you got mixed up with Lucifer. He used his spells on ya like a pimp does heroin. You woulda done anything for that high."

"It's why you tried to get me off of it. I know. I was so stupid." She whispered.

"He held you hostage in 2014, used your addiction to keep you in place. And that ain't yer fault, Tina. And it ain't yer fault that you clung to him after they left you in Missouri. It was the best way to stay alive. And you couldn't let us know afterward because you knew we'd react exactly like we did. It don't matter, anymore. He's gone. It's over."

"It's not. I'm still not okay, Bobby. I don't think I ever will be." She whispered.

"But you will. You will be okay. You just gotta let us help you. You may be damaged, but you don't _need_ to have a man wantin' you. You are strong and smart. You are an amazing hunter even when you ain't usin' magic. You are the sweetest girl and I'd like to think I'm, you know, someone you can trust about stuff. An' you can talk to me. You can tell me anything and I won't judge you."

"Are you sure? You won't tell me that you can't trust me?" She whispered. 

"No. No, I'm sorry." Bobby sighed and stood. "I never shoulda said that. I regret it."

Christina nodded, standing. "Okay. No more secrets. No more lies." She wrapped her arms around the older man. "I have to go. Crowley wants me to set up some warding on a building."

" _Yer_ workin' fer Crowley, too?"

"Not willingly. He showed up and threatened me. I just have to ward this building for him and he'll leave me the hell alone. I'll call you when I get done, okay?"

"Okay. Be careful, Tina." She nodded and walked out the door. 

*******************************

  
_'Be careful, Tina.'_ She felt like such a fucking idiot. How could she have possibly been careful walking into Crowley's lair? Fucking Evergreen, Missouri. Fucking abandoned mental hospital. "I will disembowel you! I will pluck the eyes out of your vessel and feed them to you!" His witches were shit. That's what he'd said. Such a fucking liar. Anti-magic warding and a hex bag had left her completely defenseless, screaming obscenities at the sky and pacing in a disgusting padded cell. "I will kill you, Crowley. I swear to whatever God wants to listen, I will witness your demise! Do you hear me, you sack of demonic shit?! I will destroy you!"

The window of her cell opened and the King looked in. "You're very loud. I can hear you clear across the building, two floors down."

Christina hit the door, going on the tips of her toes to see out the window. "I'm gonna kill you. You thought Lucifer was bad? I will tear you to pieces." She growled.

"How're you planning on that? Your magic... It's gone. You're something of a one-trick... Well, you've got a few tricks, but the sexy ones won't help you here."

"Are you that _threatened_ by me, Crowley, that you won't submit to a fair fight?"

"I'm a demon. King of Hell. I don't have to fight fair, and  _sometimes_ I don't have to fight, at all."

She hit the door again. "Just wait til I get out of here. I will-"

"Again, we're back to 'how'? Get comfortable, Chrissy. You aren't going anywhere." 

Christina screamed in anguish as Crowley disappeared. She kicked the door until she got tired, then pulled her phone out to try, for the tenth time, to get a signal. She took a couple deep breaths and looked around at the warding keeping her magic at bay. She wouldn't be able to counter it. She was at Crowley's mercy... and that was not something he's known for. She could hear screaming from somewhere in the building. "Fuck." She whispered, fear creeping into her, tightening her shoulders. "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!"

*******************************

The second day of her incarceration was spent huddled in the cleanest corner of the cell, meditating to take her mind off of her hunger and her need to pee. A sound of footsteps in the hallway, followed by cell doors opening and closing, pulled her attention from her own mind. 

"Sam?!" She heard Dean's voice, faintly, in the distance.

"Yeah?" Sam responded, closer. 

"I'm standing in pee!"

"Consider yourself lucky."

Christina jumped up, finally certain she wasn't hallucinating. "Sam?!"

"Christina?" Sam called back.

"Oh, thank the gods! Yeah, it's me!"

"Siege?!" Dean called from further away. "What are you doing here?"

"Crowley fucked me over! No surprise! What-what are you doing here?!"

"We were trying to get Crowley. Why haven't you used your magic to get out of here?" Sam asked. 

"Warded!" Christina could hear Dean speaking to someone in the distance, but couldn't make out what either were saying. 

"You're warded or the room is?" Sam's voice seemed closer, now, like it was coming through a grate near the ceiling of her room. 

"The room. Powerful anti-magic in here but if I could just get out of this room, I should be fine." 

"We'll figure it out." Sam said.

A few minutes later, Dean could be heard in the hallway, yelling for someone to 'Get off' of him. "How long have you been here, Christina?" Sam asked, seemingly unphased by Dean's situation.

"Two days." 

"Okay. I have an idea. Just keep your head down, I'll get us out."

Christina sighed. "I wouldn't blame you if you left me here, you know. If you got yourself out and left me behind..."

"I could." His voice was cold. "But I won't. You're worth more alive. We might need your help to get out of the building."

"You considered it? You hate me that much, Sam?"

"I don't hate you. I think, to hate someone, I need a soul. I know that when I found you almost dead, before I came back, I didn't care about you fucking Lucifer. All I cared about was you waking up and getting better. Now, I can see you as a good lay and a great weapon. That's it." 

"Right. Wait, ' _good_ lay'?" Sam made a noise, but didn't respond.

A few minutes passed, and the door to Sam's room opened. "What did you do with my brother?" 

"Oh, you'll find out. You're about to join him." 

Christina listened to the sounds of a fight in Sam's room, then her door was unlocked and Sam was standing in her doorway. "Come on." Sam headed down the hallway, Christina following. "Dean!?!"

"Let me go, son of a bitch!" They could hear down the hall.

"Dean!" They yelled, bolting for the double doors at the end of the hall. Sam pushed the doors open to reveal Dean on the floor being attacked by two ghouls. Sam headed to the wall next to the door, pulling a large metal pipe from the wall as Christina grabbed one of the ghouls, pushing energy into face. He grabbed his face as blisters started to bubble up across his face, giving Sam an opportunity to bash his head in with the pipe. As Sam put the pipe through the face of the other ghoul, Christina helped Dean up. Dean wrapped his arm around her. She hugged him, then pulled away. "What, now?"

"We track down Crowley, get him to give Sam his soul back."

"Right." 

"Where the hell is Cas? And, you think Meg made it?" Dean walked out of the room, Christina and Sam following behind.

"Meg?" Christina asked.

"Yeah. Meg's complicated." Dean answered. "All you need to know is that she's a demon and you shouldn't trust her, at all."

Christina kept her disbelief at them working with a demon to herself as she followed with her head down. "It's a host body." Hit her ears. "Some girl from Sheboygan, moved to L.A. to be an actress. It's probably not even the worst thing that ever happened to her." 

A scream spurred them to a large open area lined with cells. Dean snuck forward, causing the woman strapped to the table to begin to laugh. "What are you laughing at?" The demon torturing her stood straight, the knife in his hand being grabbed almost immediately by Dean, who stabbed him in the back with it. 

"Dean Winchester's behind you, Meat Sack." 

Christina and Sam rushed in. "We should go." 

Dean nodded, getting the straps off of the demon Meg and handing her a pile of clothes. Meg looked at Christina as she pulled her jeans on. "Airstream witch?"

She looked down. She knew a demon named 'Meg' rang a bell with her. "You didn't tell me that she was one of Lucifer's." She said, unhappily.

"Lucifer said you offed yourself." 

"Didn't stick." Sam answered for her.

"Couldn't even do that right?" 

"Eat salt, bitch." Christina snapped her fingers and grabbed her weapon bag which suddenly appeared at her feet. 

"Oh, okay. She was totally worth Lucifer's time and energy." Meg said, sarcastically. 

"You know what? I _was_ , you demonic piece of shit." Christina didn't look at Meg as she levitated a can of spray paint and began to paint a red devil's trap on the ceiling. "If I'd gone Dark Side, Crowley would never have had an opportunity to  _touch_ the throne and you would've been destroyed along with the rest of Hell. If I had witched it up instead of putting myself out of commission, the world would be a much quieter place. You wanna talk about a waste of time and energy, _Meg,_ think about the time you and Azazel and Lilith put into his return, just to be foiled by a pair of hunters in plaid."

"Hey." Dean was offended.

"I'm not lying, am I? I mean, your great destiny was to be a vessel in the grand battle and you refused it... which, kudos. But me, my destiny, that was put in place years ago and I may hold back the urge to call upon flying monkeys and I may have chosen to perform fellatio on a revolver instead of helping Lucifer lock Michael out of his vessel, but..." She nodded in satisfaction at her art, then dropped the can into her bag and turned to the group staring at her. "... when the time comes to let my fate win, when I finally go 'wicked', you're going to wish I'd stayed in that coma."

"Am I supposed to be scared of you, little witch?" Meg asked, amusement sparkling in her eyes as she pulled her leather jacket on.

Christina bent over and grabbed her bag. "The warning wasn't for you." She replied, quietly, turning away and heading for a corner by the entrance doors.

Sam followed her into the corner, blocking her with his giant frame. As the demon limped out of the room and Dean pulled the fire alarm, the soulless man looked down at her. "I'm not scared of you, either."

"Well, you can't be scared of anything right now. You'll come to your senses when you have your soul back."

"Maybe. But I always did have a soft spot for you." He chuckled. "And oftentimes, a hard spot, too." Christina looked down. This Sam was hard to deal with. "You know, if I make it out of this with my soul, I think we should give it another shot. If I don't make it out with a soul, I still think we should have another roll in the hay."

Christina blanched. This wasn't right and she knew that souled Sam would agree with her. "I thought I was just a 'good lay'. Definitely not worth a second roll." She whispered.

"Never said that. And you really ought to show me what Lucifer taught you."

Christina didn't have a chance to answer, as the sound of Crowley's shoes clicking on the floor in the hallway caught her attention. Crowley walked into the room and turned to Dean. "You should be ghoul scat by now." Sam rushed forward and knocked Crowley down, just under the trap on the ceiling. Christina flicked her hand, making the king slide across the floor to the middle of her trap. "Really necessary? I  _just_ had this dry cleaned."

Crowley looked up, noticing the Devil's Trap. "So, to what do I owe the reach-around?"

Meg limped back into the room. "Crowley."

"Whore."

"Okay, you know what?" Meg clenched her fist, using her demonic powers to injure the King's organs. "The best torturers never get their hands dirty. Sam wants a word with you."

"What can I do for you, Sam?"

"You know damn well. I want my soul back." Sam growled.

"And here I thought you just grew some balls, Sam." Meg quipped.

Sam focused on Crowley. "Well?"

"No."

"Meg?" Dean implored.

Meg stepped forward and lifted her hand to twist Crowley's organs some more. Crowley fell to the floor, coughing up blood. "I can't." 

"Can't? Or won't?" Sam asked.

"I said 'can't'... and I meant 'can't', you mop-headed lumberjack." Crowley spat, breathlessly. "I was lucky to get this much of you out. Going back in there for the sloppy bits? No way. I'm good, but those two in there? Forget it."

"How do I know you're not lying?" Sam asked.

"You don't. But it doesn't change anything. I'm telling you. Sam, why do you want the thing back? Satan's got one juicy source of entertainment in there. I'd swallow a rag off a bathhouse floor before I took that soul. Unless you _want_ to be a drooling mess."

"Sam, I hate to say it, but he's right." Meg provided.

"Yeah, right. I get it. Thanks. He's all yours." 

"Whoa, what are you, crazy? He's our only hope." Dean argued.

"Dean, you heard him. He can't get it. He's useless."

Dean looked to the knife in his hand before handing it to a giddy-looking Meg. "You'll let me back out, right?" The boys nodded, while Christina leaned against the doorframe. "This is for Lucifer, you pompous little-" Crowley kicked Meg's legs out from under her, grabbing the Kurdish knife from her hand and standing. He presented the knife, in his theatrical way, before tossing it into the Devil's Trap, breaking it.

"That's better." He flicked his hands, tossing Sam and Dean to opposite walls and holding them there with his power. Meg jumped up, but suddenly was thrown backward. Crowley turned his head to look at the source of Meg's departure. "How are you still standing?"

Christina scoffed. "Fair fight, Crowley." She flicked her hand, sending the wrench flying at the demon's head. He dodged, taking a step back as the witch stomped forward. "Come on, dumbass! You really think Lucifer courted me just for _sex_?! Ask Sam, I'm a 'good lay', at  _best._ " She made circular motions in the air and Crowley went twirling like a tornado.

She raised her hand, causing the knife to drop from the ceiling into her hand. "Might not be great in bed, but I am a badass witch." Crowley suddenly flew to the ceiling, before falling hard to the floor. Christina was upon him quickly, knife to his throat. "Meg obviously doesn't know torture. But I do." She whispered, before plunging the knife into his right shoulder. Crowley cried out in pain, but the witch just smiled.

"I know about sexual torture. I know about emotional torture." She pulled the knife and dug it into the opposite shoulder. "I know dismemberment and evisceration. I know about music being played on your ribs like an old black and white cartoon." She twisted the blade in his flesh. "I know about having the only thing you've ever wanted dangled in front of you and having it ripped away at the last second."

"Torture is unnecessary." Castiel's voice made her turn her head, giving Crowley an opportunity to buck her off of him and stand, pulling the knife from his shoulder.

"Castiel, haven't seen you all season. You the cavalry now?"

"Put the knife down." Cas demanded.

"You that bossy in Heaven? Hear you're losing out to Raphael. The whole affair makes Vietnam look like a roller derby." Castiel pulled out a bag and started to fiddle with it. "Hey, what's in the gift bag?"

"You are." Castiel pulled a skull from the bag.

"Not possible." Crowley said, but his face showed apprehension.

"You didn't hide your bones as well as you should have."

The demon clapped, mockingly. "Cookie for you."

Cas dropped the bag at his feet. "Can you restore Sam's soul or not?"

Crowley snapped his fingers and the Winchesters dropped from their stations on the walls. "If I could help out in any other-" He began.

"Answer him!" Dean demanded. 

"I can't." He answered. Castiel put his hand over the bag, which suddenly burst into flame. Crowley quickly followed suit, burning into a black circle. Christina turned to the back of the room where she'd tossed Meg, but the demon was already gone.

Sam picked up the knife from the burnt circle. "Well, she's smart, I'll give her that. I was gonna kill her, too." Dean said, before turning to Cas. "'Course I'd have given you and hour with her first."

Castiel's eyes showed his confusion. "Why would I want that?"

"It's a sex joke, babe." Christina growled, stomping past the men and toward the front of the asylum.

Dean caught up with her at the front door. "Hey."

"What?" She demanded, her voice full of anger and pain.

"All that, in there... I've never seen you... no Greek words, no spell components, nothing. And, you don't look high." Dean wasn't sure where he was going with the line of questioning, but he knew something had to be said.

"Dean..." She pushed the doors open and stomped out into the courtyard. "I'm starving, I have to pee, I haven't slept in three days and I just spent all of my energy on a fight that I was  _winning_ that Castiel decided he needed to fuck me out of. All I've got to say to you, right now, is that I've never needed those damn words and I've always been the strongest witch you ever met." She stomped up to her Dodge and unlocked it.

"Siege, come on. That was... that was almost demonic."

"Why shouldn't it be? I mean, I'm a lot like Sam in that aspect, remember? However Crowley put me back together, I've had that darkness..."

Dean put a hand on her shoulder and turned her back to him. "Why aren't you high? That was a lot of magic."

"Because it doesn't _do_ anything to me, anymore. Not since I've been back. I can do as much magic as I want without feeling a single tingle."

"What do you think that means?"

"I couldn't even begin to tell you. But I know I can do whatever I want. And I could've beaten Crowley. I  _deserved_ to kill him."

"Okay, I get it. I'll have a talk with Cas about-"

"It's fine. Can't change it, now."

"Hey, can... can we count on your help to find another way to get Sam's soul?"

"Maybe... Probably. Look, I need sleep, a burger and a bathroom, not in that order. I'll call after I get some rest."

"Okay." Dean opened her door for her and hugged her before she got in.


End file.
